Ferret
So it was pretty cool how I got to go to a party for work today.
Roo
Oh yeah, what was it?
Ferret
This crazy juggling competition.
Roo
Wow. It was good?
Ferret
Real good. Best part was that they paid me to go. Check it out.
[Shows Roo.]
Roo
Wow. Who gave you money?
Ferret
The people at the event. They said they'd pay me to be there. Gave it to me in this red envelope and everything.
Roo
Ferret, that's like bribe.
Ferret
No way. I didn't promise them anything. They said they'd pay me to come, so I did.
Roo
No, that's how it works, you know? They think you will write about them.
Ferret
No way.
Event #2: 红包回来 (Hongbao Returns)
Ferret
[on phone]
Yes, I spoke to Oldengib... No, there's no way I can write about it. I'm sorry.
Oldengib
What's going on? Who keeps calling you?
Ferret
Well, this girl from the juggling contest keeps calling me to ask me if I can put something in the magazine.
Oldengib
The one you went to last week.
Ferret
Yeah, it was cool. They paid me money to go. Gave it to me in this red envelope.
Oldengib
Oh, I see. You shouldn't have done that. That's the sneaky way they do it here.
Ferret
Do what?
Oldengib
Give you a bribe.
Ferret
Oh.
Oldengib
It's all right. You didn't know. In the future, just remember if someone offers to pay you to come, or slips money in your press packet, don't take it. If we do, then we get calls like this, and get wrapped up in the custom of bribing journalists that they have here.
Ferret
Oh.
Event #3: 萄皮男孩子 (A Naughty Boy)
Ferret sits in a cab on his way to watch people pour vodka in new and improved ways. The cab is stuck in traffic, and he feels both tired and frustrated. He's not sure it's possible for anyone to pour vodka in a new or improved way, and even if they could, he thinks it would probably be entirely convoluted in its execution, Rube Goldberg style, or would produce a drink that was so revolting that even the fact it was free would do little to help its reputation. It's been a long day, and the Shanghai craze is getting to him. They are almost at his destination down on the Bund, and the street is packed not only with cars, but scooters, bicycles, men with push carts stacked to at least 3m, and small children weaving in and out of the mess. Seemingly unable to withstand the hubbub, the window next to Ferret shatters.
The cabdriver immediately scrambles out of the cab and runs away. Ferret doesn't know what to do. The driver has left his door open, but that has not prevented cars behind the car from doing their best to edge by. He looks to the sidewalk and sees that his taxi driver has apprehended the cause of the shattering. A little boy about 8 years old with a slingshot. His mother is there now, and she's got a look on her face that says, "It's time to pay."
The driver scrambles back, and settles the bill with Ferret. He walks to the event thinking that today couldn't get anymore surreal than the Chinese reincarnation of Dennis the Menace.
Event #4: Things Get More Surreal than a Chinese Dennis the Menace
Apparently, this is how you sell vodka.
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