Scruta has moved and become something bigger, at least hopefully. It's own domain name and everything.
Please go to www.scruta.org
The old content, as well as new content will be on this website.
Thanks for your support.
Showing posts with label delusions of grandeur. Show all posts
Showing posts with label delusions of grandeur. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Why I believe in Synchronicity
I was sitting on the metro coming home from an extended tour of a bar in Pudong, when I began thinking about China, and people like Gao Chuancai, a true freedom fighter in the Chinese hinterland who risks his life daily for justice, threatening the livelihood of his entire family in the process. His fearlessness in the face of authority is astounding, and to most Chinese sheer insanity.
A time ago I remember being in Chinese class discussing how Western culture was different than Chinese culture. I remember commenting that Western culture values madness, but due to my limited skills I was unable articulate myself well at the time. Confusing, and possibly insulting my teacher. Even when I switched to English, I still found it hard to explain my intuition. What I think I meant was that I thought the West values the activist as an archetype. Whether you think they are loonies or no, activists are an accepted figure on the fringe of our society. In China, this isn't so. Gao Chuancai is an example of how this is changing.
Just as I was thinking all of this, a fat, slovenly looking man walked into my car on the train and began barking at all the people in Chinese. Most of them looked generally annoyed, and gave him no notice. I couldn't tell what he was saying, and to be honest, I didn't try very hard. He struck me as a bum, asking for money. However, as he began to pass me in the car, he stopped speaking in Chinese and began speaking to me in polished English:
Hello sir! Let me introduce myself. I am the fat man on the metro who speaks out against corruption. [As he said this, and everytime he said he was "the fat man on the metro" he slapped his belly.] I go around on the metro lines telling people to stand with me, and declare they will fight with me to work for a more harmonious and free society. I know that if I stand alone, then they will come for me, and will probably kill me. However, if we stand together, then there is nothing that they can do. Let everyone know about the fat man on the metro and tell them to come and stand with me.
It was at this point that I asked him what his name was. He said simply, "I am the fat man on the metro."
I stood and shook his hand.
At that point, the train stopped, and he quickly moved to another car and began all over again. I sat back down and realized:
I'm not the one he has to convince. Somehow I was already with him before he started talking. But all the Chinese people on the metro around me, were they?
Here's another account of "the fat man on the metro."
Here he is at other moments (in Chinese):
A time ago I remember being in Chinese class discussing how Western culture was different than Chinese culture. I remember commenting that Western culture values madness, but due to my limited skills I was unable articulate myself well at the time. Confusing, and possibly insulting my teacher. Even when I switched to English, I still found it hard to explain my intuition. What I think I meant was that I thought the West values the activist as an archetype. Whether you think they are loonies or no, activists are an accepted figure on the fringe of our society. In China, this isn't so. Gao Chuancai is an example of how this is changing.
Just as I was thinking all of this, a fat, slovenly looking man walked into my car on the train and began barking at all the people in Chinese. Most of them looked generally annoyed, and gave him no notice. I couldn't tell what he was saying, and to be honest, I didn't try very hard. He struck me as a bum, asking for money. However, as he began to pass me in the car, he stopped speaking in Chinese and began speaking to me in polished English:
Hello sir! Let me introduce myself. I am the fat man on the metro who speaks out against corruption. [As he said this, and everytime he said he was "the fat man on the metro" he slapped his belly.] I go around on the metro lines telling people to stand with me, and declare they will fight with me to work for a more harmonious and free society. I know that if I stand alone, then they will come for me, and will probably kill me. However, if we stand together, then there is nothing that they can do. Let everyone know about the fat man on the metro and tell them to come and stand with me.
It was at this point that I asked him what his name was. He said simply, "I am the fat man on the metro."
I stood and shook his hand.
At that point, the train stopped, and he quickly moved to another car and began all over again. I sat back down and realized:
I'm not the one he has to convince. Somehow I was already with him before he started talking. But all the Chinese people on the metro around me, were they?
Here's another account of "the fat man on the metro."
Here he is at other moments (in Chinese):
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
A Dillemma of Nonsensical Proportions
Bu-Ran-Don
So if you could give it all up for the powers of Wolverine, would you do it?
Ferret
Define your terms.
Bu-Ran-Don
You get the skeleton of adamantium, the claws, the superhealing and the superhuman senses of smell.
Ferret
And what do I give up?
Bu-Ran-Don
You give up sex.
Ferret
In general? Do BJs count?
Bu-Ran-Don
For the sake of argument, no. Let's say that BJs are okay.
Ferret
I don't know. That's still pretty tough.
Bu-Ran-Don
What's so tough about it? You get to be Wolverine man! You can totally rock anybody. And even if they rock you, you'll be fine. I mean, would you seriously miss it all that much?
Ferret
I think so. I mean, I don't know. His powers aren't that great.
Bu-Ran-Don
I disagree. Don't forget you get an extended lifespan because of your superhuman healing powers. You get to live for millennia.
Ferret
I think living forever is over-rated. All your friends and lovers die. Everyone thinks you're a freak. You've got to live low-pro.
Bu-Ran-Don
But you get superhuman demi-god like adversaries with which to battle for all of time.
Ferret
Meh, I'm still not sure. I'm denied the ability to form meaningful relationships with others except for random megalomaniacs. I relegate myself to leading a seemingly endless life of constant derision and scorn.
Bu-Ran-Don
Don't be a fag, Ferret. This is an awesome opportunity.
Ferret
I'm still torn. Let me think about it...
So if you could give it all up for the powers of Wolverine, would you do it?
Ferret
Define your terms.
Bu-Ran-Don
You get the skeleton of adamantium, the claws, the superhealing and the superhuman senses of smell.
Ferret
And what do I give up?
Bu-Ran-Don
You give up sex.
Ferret
In general? Do BJs count?
Bu-Ran-Don
For the sake of argument, no. Let's say that BJs are okay.
Ferret
I don't know. That's still pretty tough.
Bu-Ran-Don
What's so tough about it? You get to be Wolverine man! You can totally rock anybody. And even if they rock you, you'll be fine. I mean, would you seriously miss it all that much?
Ferret
I think so. I mean, I don't know. His powers aren't that great.
Bu-Ran-Don
I disagree. Don't forget you get an extended lifespan because of your superhuman healing powers. You get to live for millennia.
Ferret
I think living forever is over-rated. All your friends and lovers die. Everyone thinks you're a freak. You've got to live low-pro.
Bu-Ran-Don
But you get superhuman demi-god like adversaries with which to battle for all of time.
Ferret
Meh, I'm still not sure. I'm denied the ability to form meaningful relationships with others except for random megalomaniacs. I relegate myself to leading a seemingly endless life of constant derision and scorn.
Bu-Ran-Don
Don't be a fag, Ferret. This is an awesome opportunity.
Ferret
I'm still torn. Let me think about it...
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Appearance on the Daily Show
[The following is a transcript of my (ficitonal) appearance on the Daily Show, which garnered such a high rating share that I received a (ficitonal) call from several television companies asking me to produce my own show, exploring the content on my blog and my most recently published book (fiction, but also, as of now, ficitonal).]
John Stewart
Okay folks, tonight's guest is the author of a blog that is making its rounds on the internet called "Scruta," which has spawned a newly released best-selling book of the same name. Please welcome, Ferret to the show.
[Ferret walks on the soundstage, amidst cheers, and applause. He shakes John Stewart's hand, and they take their seats.]
John Stewart
So... your name is Ferret?
Ferret
Yes.
John Stewart
You have a blog named Scr-oo-tA, which I am told is the Latin name for trash.
Ferret
Yes.
John Stewart
Well, hmm... don't you think that's a little self deprecating to name yourself after a rodent, and call your blog trash? Like were you sitting there saying to yourself: Weasel and Dungheap, Rat and Cesspool, you might have more luck?
Ferret
Well, John, Rat and Cesspool does a nice ring.
John Stewart
It does, doesn't it?
Ferret
Incredible! You can feel the angst flipping directly off of your tongue as soon as you say cess. Try it!
John Stewart
Cess!
Ferret
Cess!
[Laughter from the crowd. John and Ferret chuckle between themselves. Everything settles.]
Ferret
But seriously, I don't think I need to tell you about the incredible powers of self-deprecation. It's half of your shtick on this fine show.
John Stewart
You have no idea how far I've sunk.
Ferret
This show has truly been the bane of your existence, am I right?
John Stewart
The BANE. Oh yes, you have no idea how hard it is to actually comment on the news everyday with such cynicism to reefer toking, PhD candidates.
[Tittering from the crowd.]
Ferret
Their 1% market share is demanding... on weed!
John Stewart
Oh, there you go! My one great... well, my only role in film. That's right, I played a man obsessed with smoking marijuana! But let me say, that I'm a big fan of the blog, and the book is actually quite good. You've taken things from everywhere. A critic from the New York Times called it "a wonderful form of pastiche, that refuses to commit to any genre, but delves into the issues of modern life in such a way reminiscent of the philosophical confessions of old. Ferret uses himself as his own view into the world, giving us hope in the virtuous life, and the honest man."
Ferret
On weed?
[Laughter.]
Ferret
But in seriousness, John. I've tried to commit strongly to the idea that this new form of the blog might be a way to really explore philosophical issues, but also prove an outlet for my writing. It's a sounding board where I try and figure things out, sort through all the trash in my life--actual or psychological, and hope that I leave something worthwhile.
John Stewart
Well, it certainly has. One thing I always admire about what you do is that you choose to post in every medium, writing, music, video. You seem to be able to execute all of these things so well. And they all tie into each other. Every time I read one of your blogs it carries beyond itself.
Ferret
Well, thank you. It sounds like you are talking about this whole pastiche thing that people always accuse me of. I've always thought that that was a nice way of saying that I stole my material, that I'm some kind of half-ass artist living off of the comments and events of the day. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you John?
John Stewart
Well, truth be told. Meh, maybe a little bit.
[He grins fiendishly; chuckles rise from the audience.]
Ferret
So it seems that we have something in common, god forbid.
John Stewart
God forbid.
[Ferret realizes that he's shut down John Stewart a bit, and quite frankly, been a bit of an asshole.]
Ferret
You want to do some dirty limericks with me?
John Stewart
Well, I-
Ferret
I've always wanted to do them on TV, and I figure this is cable right?
John Stewart
Oh yes it is. Umm... "I once knew a girl from Nantucket...?"
Ferret
Whose [expletive] was shaped like a bucket.
[Roars of laughter from the audience, John Stewart tries not to laugh, but starts to laugh. He starts to catch his breath, saying:]
John Stewart
It was so large?
Ferret
It could fill a barge, but none of the men could [expletive] it.
[Laughter; John Stewart as well.]
John Stewart
Wow.
Ferret
So there you have it. We've done dirty limericks on air. Viewers, I swear my blog is about real topics of interest, philosophy and like. It's never low-brow.
John Stewart
Truly not!
Ferret
Cess!
John Stewart
Cess!
[More laughter.]
John Stewart
So... I guess we are running out of time.
Ferret
That's fine John. I just wanted to have one last serious type of comment here. I wanted to thank you for all that you've done to further use of comedy in service of the truth, and for giving me a forum to say dirty limericks on TV. Your show has been a real inspiration to me, and it's an honor to finally appear on it.
John Stewart
Truly a pleasure sir to go through the trash with you. Ferret everyone!
[Rounds of applause. They go to commercial. John Stewart and Ferret talk privately underneath the roar.]
Ferret
You owe me $50.
John Stewart
I know, I didn't think you'd do the dirty limerick on air. I thought, you were...
Ferret
High brow? Come on. I'm a trash collector.
John Stewart
Touche.
Ferret
Touche.
John Stewart
Okay folks, tonight's guest is the author of a blog that is making its rounds on the internet called "Scruta," which has spawned a newly released best-selling book of the same name. Please welcome, Ferret to the show.
[Ferret walks on the soundstage, amidst cheers, and applause. He shakes John Stewart's hand, and they take their seats.]
John Stewart
So... your name is Ferret?
Ferret
Yes.
John Stewart
You have a blog named Scr-oo-tA, which I am told is the Latin name for trash.
Ferret
Yes.
John Stewart
Well, hmm... don't you think that's a little self deprecating to name yourself after a rodent, and call your blog trash? Like were you sitting there saying to yourself: Weasel and Dungheap, Rat and Cesspool, you might have more luck?
Ferret
Well, John, Rat and Cesspool does a nice ring.
John Stewart
It does, doesn't it?
Ferret
Incredible! You can feel the angst flipping directly off of your tongue as soon as you say cess. Try it!
John Stewart
Cess!
Ferret
Cess!
[Laughter from the crowd. John and Ferret chuckle between themselves. Everything settles.]
Ferret
But seriously, I don't think I need to tell you about the incredible powers of self-deprecation. It's half of your shtick on this fine show.
John Stewart
You have no idea how far I've sunk.
Ferret
This show has truly been the bane of your existence, am I right?
John Stewart
The BANE. Oh yes, you have no idea how hard it is to actually comment on the news everyday with such cynicism to reefer toking, PhD candidates.
[Tittering from the crowd.]
Ferret
Their 1% market share is demanding... on weed!
John Stewart
Oh, there you go! My one great... well, my only role in film. That's right, I played a man obsessed with smoking marijuana! But let me say, that I'm a big fan of the blog, and the book is actually quite good. You've taken things from everywhere. A critic from the New York Times called it "a wonderful form of pastiche, that refuses to commit to any genre, but delves into the issues of modern life in such a way reminiscent of the philosophical confessions of old. Ferret uses himself as his own view into the world, giving us hope in the virtuous life, and the honest man."
Ferret
On weed?
[Laughter.]
Ferret
But in seriousness, John. I've tried to commit strongly to the idea that this new form of the blog might be a way to really explore philosophical issues, but also prove an outlet for my writing. It's a sounding board where I try and figure things out, sort through all the trash in my life--actual or psychological, and hope that I leave something worthwhile.
John Stewart
Well, it certainly has. One thing I always admire about what you do is that you choose to post in every medium, writing, music, video. You seem to be able to execute all of these things so well. And they all tie into each other. Every time I read one of your blogs it carries beyond itself.
Ferret
Well, thank you. It sounds like you are talking about this whole pastiche thing that people always accuse me of. I've always thought that that was a nice way of saying that I stole my material, that I'm some kind of half-ass artist living off of the comments and events of the day. But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you John?
John Stewart
Well, truth be told. Meh, maybe a little bit.
[He grins fiendishly; chuckles rise from the audience.]
Ferret
So it seems that we have something in common, god forbid.
John Stewart
God forbid.
[Ferret realizes that he's shut down John Stewart a bit, and quite frankly, been a bit of an asshole.]
Ferret
You want to do some dirty limericks with me?
John Stewart
Well, I-
Ferret
I've always wanted to do them on TV, and I figure this is cable right?
John Stewart
Oh yes it is. Umm... "I once knew a girl from Nantucket...?"
Ferret
Whose [expletive] was shaped like a bucket.
[Roars of laughter from the audience, John Stewart tries not to laugh, but starts to laugh. He starts to catch his breath, saying:]
John Stewart
It was so large?
Ferret
It could fill a barge, but none of the men could [expletive] it.
[Laughter; John Stewart as well.]
John Stewart
Wow.
Ferret
So there you have it. We've done dirty limericks on air. Viewers, I swear my blog is about real topics of interest, philosophy and like. It's never low-brow.
John Stewart
Truly not!
Ferret
Cess!
John Stewart
Cess!
[More laughter.]
John Stewart
So... I guess we are running out of time.
Ferret
That's fine John. I just wanted to have one last serious type of comment here. I wanted to thank you for all that you've done to further use of comedy in service of the truth, and for giving me a forum to say dirty limericks on TV. Your show has been a real inspiration to me, and it's an honor to finally appear on it.
John Stewart
Truly a pleasure sir to go through the trash with you. Ferret everyone!
[Rounds of applause. They go to commercial. John Stewart and Ferret talk privately underneath the roar.]
Ferret
You owe me $50.
John Stewart
I know, I didn't think you'd do the dirty limerick on air. I thought, you were...
Ferret
High brow? Come on. I'm a trash collector.
John Stewart
Touche.
Ferret
Touche.
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